5 Reasons You Feel Like Therapy Isn’t Helping
You took the leap and decided to pursue therapy, but now you’re a few months in and not noticing a change. Maybe you're a long-time client, but you’re not feeling like you’re making progress. You’re not alone! Feeling frustrated occasionally about the speed of your progress is normal, but if you have the sinking feeling that therapy isn’t working for you, it’s time to explore that thought. Read on to consider some common reasons why some people feel that therapy isn’t helpful.
Therapist/Client Mismatch. The most common reason why people feel like therapy isn’t working is because they’re not a match with the therapist. Just like any other relationship, you have to feel a sense of trust and connection to start building a therapeutic alliance. Maybe you would get more benefit from seeing a therapist with a different approach or who specializes in a different area of mental health. Maybe you just don’t feel comfortable opening up to your therapist. Whatever the reason may be, it’s totally normal to feel like you and your current therapist aren’t a good fit.
Logistical Barriers. In this busy world, it can be hard to dedicate time to weekly appointments. If life is getting in the way of you keeping your appointments, or if the office is so far away that it’s a burden to get to, it’s time to reassess your current therapy situation. Another common issue is kids, family members, and pets distracting you while you’re in a telehealth session. Seeing progress in therapy requires consistently showing up and being able to focus - if something’s preventing you from doing that, then you’re probably not getting the most out of therapy.
Unclear goals. It’s important to have a clear idea of what you want to get out of therapy. If you don’t know, then your therapist definitely doesn’t, either. If you have a general idea about what you’re looking for, like “I want to feel better,” then it’s a good idea to talk to your therapist about narrowing down your goals and getting specific about the changes you want to see.
Honesty. Therapy challenges us to be honest with ourselves and with another person. If you’re not sharing what’s really bothering you, then your therapist doesn’t have the opportunity to help. This doesn’t mean that you have to delve into your deepest trauma before you feel ready, and it also doesn’t mean that you should feel obligated to continue with a therapist you don’t feel emotionally safe with; what it does mean is that the real growth occurs when the sharing gets uncomfortable. If you’re feeling anxious, ashamed, or scared about sharing with your therapist, talk to them about it. A good therapist will help you ease into your story in a way that feels safe to you.
Unrealistic expectations. When you go to the doctor for an infection, they can prescribe antibiotics to clear it up. When you go to therapy for a mental health concern, your therapist has no such quick fix to prescribe. Making progress in therapy means dedicating time out of your week to show up, being willing to get uncomfortable, doing homework outside of sessions, and actively trying to apply what you learn in therapy outside of the office. Remember that you don’t need to see the whole staircase to keep climbing - slow and steady progress translates into lasting change. Talk to your therapist about your frustrations, and ask if there’s any tools they can teach you to help alleviate your symptoms right now.
As you can see, the fix to all these issues is to communicate about them with your therapist. Of course, this is easier said than done, and it can be intimidating to tell your therapist that you don’t think their services are benefiting you. However, therapists want you to give them feedback and be honest about what’s not working! We are trained to handle feedback professionally, and we want to help our clients. A good therapist would much rather adjust their approach to better suit your needs than keep the ineffective status quo. Worst comes to worst, you and your therapist may decide that you’re not the right match, and they can help find you a targeted referral.
Looking for your therapist soulmate? We can help you at Answers Within Counseling. Check out our experienced therapists’ bios on the ‘Teams’ page and see who speaks to you. After a few appointments, if you aren’t feeling a connection, our front desk team is always happy to switch you to another clinician at the office who suits your needs.
