Regulate Your Emotions with RAIN
“Emotional regulation” is one of those psychology terms like “boundaries” and “narcissist” that have seeped through to the public vocabulary. At its core, emotional regulation is the ability to feel and control one’s emotions in a healthy, sustainable way. Easier said than done, especially if you live with a mental health diagnosis! In this article, we’ll go over the RAIN method, a straightforward strategy for processing feelings, as well as other tips and tricks for emotional regulation.
The RAIN method: this four-step process helps to walk you through the steps of processing an emotion.
Recognise what you feel without judgement. If you can name the emotion(s) you’re feeling, then you can tame them. For example, you might ask yourself if you’re feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed, or all three.
Allow yourself to feel the emotion. You might tell yourself “I am angry right now, and that’s okay.” Just like compressing air, pushing emotions down only makes them more pressurized (and ready to explode), so it’s important to allow yourself to feel.
Investigate what’s causing the emotion. You might ask yourself, why am I angry? When have I felt this way before? Has a similar situation made me feel this way in the past? Get curious about what triggers strong emotions for you and where those feelings may stem from.
Nurture yourself with self-compassion. Many of us judge or punish ourselves for having negative feelings like anger, sadness, and guilt. Ultimately, this only hurts us more and intensifies the negativity around the emotion. Instead, show yourself some compassion. For example, you might tell yourself “It’s understandable that I got angry, and I did a good thing by stopping to process the feeling.”
Walk it out. Walking is enormously beneficial for health, including improving physical health and fitness, promoting quality sleep, and providing antidepressant and antianxiety benefits. Additionally, the back-and-forth eye movements used when walking, especially in nature, are the exact same bilateral movements used in EMDR therapy! When you feel overwhelmed by emotion, try taking a ten minute walk, breathing deeply and focusing on how you feel in the moment.
Bilateral stimulation. In much the same way that back-and-forth bilateral eye movements work to help process feelings while walking or in EMDR therapy, bilateral stimulation of our other senses can help calm the body by tapping the parasympathetic nervous system. When you’re feeling a strong emotion, try listening to music that uses bilateral sounds, like tracks from the app Calm. Or, try tapping your legs or elbows back and forth while breathing deeply. It may sound silly, but bilateral stimulation really works!
All these strategies can help you respond to emotions, not just react to them. Emotional regulation is a skill like any other, and building that skill requires time and practice. If you struggle with strong emotions that feel overwhelming, and strategies like RAIN haven’t helped you, it may be time to call on a professional who can use evidence-based therapies to improve your emotional regulation skills.
