Why Do We Roll Our Eyes When We Hear “Self-Care?”
If you’ve ever felt like rolling your eyes when you see yet another post extolling the virtues of self-care or promoting the next must-have self-care product, you’re not alone. This simple term is the latest victim of psychobabble - the age-old phenomenon of therapy concepts mutating into corrupted versions of themselves. Let’s talk about why the idea of self care feels so tired right now, and what self-care actually means under all the marketing.
One major reason why self-care seems so stale is because the term has simply run its cultural course. Like any other piece of culture, the idea of self-care started out on the fringes; maybe some people realized the importance of taking care of oneself in therapy and shared it with their friends. Over time, the idea gained traction and became mainstream, joining the everyday vocabulary and public consciousness. Now, we’re in the late stage of the cycle where even the biggest companies and institutions are on the inside. An idea is only fresh and interesting when it’s exclusive and new - this is why fashion companies spend millions predicting what will be trendy next season, for example. When our feeds are saturated with mainstream beauty companies claiming that we have to add their product to our self-care routine and influencers showing their self-care Sunday sponsored by *insert company*, the idea of self care no longer feels authentic and desirable, it just feels hollow and corporate.
Moreover, many women are tired of the idea of self care because it’s been aggressively pushed as yet another responsibility. On top of the 40 hour workweek, household management, parenting, and finding time for hobbies and fun, we are constantly told that we have to do self-care. It’s become another dreaded to do item that we have to do if we want to achieve our highest and most healed selves, joining the ranks of pilates, a gut health diet, skincare, and whatever else is trending that week. Worse yet, self-care has become an Olympic sport. You think your self care is nice with your bubble bath and candle? Go online and you’ll find thousands of examples of more luxurious bubble baths in unattainable homes complete with an expensive body and skincare routine. You can always be doing your self-care better, bigger, more optimized. In this way, self-care has become yet another beauty rat race that women feel they must perform to get ahead, whether that be getting better mentally, physically, or socially. Performative, elaborate self-care feeds the societal obsession of telling women that they are never enough - never “well” enough, never skinny enough, never working hard enough - and require constant maintenance (and products bought) to finally become good enough.
Self-care was intended to describe how you fill your cup when the world drains you. In today’s world filled with war, famine, AI, and existential dread, most people need more nurturing than ever. However, the aggressive messaging of self care puts the onus on the individual, not the external world, for the mental chaos we are all experiencing right now. If you’re feeling depressed and anxious about the state of the world, why, you must not be doing enough self-care! Feeling tired and burnt out? It can’t be because you’re working a full time job and taking care of a husband and kids, it’s your fault because you’re not making time for self care! See how insidious this is? It is true that the outside world does not determine the happiness of the individual, but it’s also true that cultural and political world events have an impact on the collective psyche. One cannot self-care their way into making the stressors of living in 2025 disappear.
Underneath all the marketing and messaging, what really is self-care? What was the original idea that inspired people to take an interest in nurturing themselves? Self-care isn’t just a new candle, or a pilates membership, or a massage. Self-care is about caring about yourself the way you care about your loved ones. Self-care is forcing yourself to take a walk even though you’re tired because you know you’ll feel better after. Self-care can be spending time with your loved ones, making time for therapy, or reading your favorite book before bed. It’s about prioritizing your own health and well-being, whatever that may look like for you. The best kinds of self care - the nature walks, the phone calls to friends, the choice to listen to calming music instead of the news - those things are often totally free. Let’s let go of the idea that we need to be following a prescribed routine or that we need a product to take care of ourselves or be well or be better. You are enough, and have always been. Keep filling your cup in the way that’s right for you.
